Catchy, with a high production quality, “Enough” by Branan Murphy came blasting through my radio as I was driving. Though it was a beautiful sunny day, my heart was heavy and I was looking for a distraction, a temporary mental escape from circumstances, by way of a ‘nice drive’ with some fun, catchy music. As I listened, initially I thought of it as another cute song on the Christian radio channel. That is, until I heard the chorus. It stopped me in my tracks, literally, and I began to meditate on the question:
“When did You stop being ENOUGH for me?
WHEN did You stop being enough?”
(See full lyrics here.)
Those lines brought such immediate conviction as I had realized that this was my current state of mind. The thoughts I had been having in that season pointed to the fact that God was not enough for me- He wasn’t enough and He hadn’t done enough to help me. He hadn’t done enough to fill me. I still felt overwhelmed, frustrated, lonely and was looking for ways to justify my anger at Him in the situation. I had been turning to other ways to try to fill that that emptiness and brokenness.
I had taken on so many heavy burdens and in the process started developing a hard heart towards God. I acknowledged that this was my logic as I listened to the lyrics and I could feel the sorrow in my heart, loudly, because at the same time, I know in my spirit that is not truth. God is more than enough. My own thoughts and confusion does not change who God is. Regardless of what happens to me or the situations I find myself in, God does not change (Mal 3:6) and He does not grow weary (Is. 40:28). He never leaves nor forsakes us (Heb. 13:5). His grace is sufficient. When I am weak, He is strong.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Cor 12:9-10
As I listened to the song on repeat, I had focused on the chorus but then suddenly this line stood out and brought revelation:
“I think we lost who we are in the times that we rise, the times that we fall.”
When we are on the ‘mountain’ and things are going so well, we can get full of pride and think we don’t need Jesus. We can think He isn’t the one in control and we can turn ourselves, other people, or things into idols, thereby forgetting our identity. When we have ‘fallen’ by entering into sin, we can become full of shame and in turn, forget who we are. Then there are other times when we get knocked down. This time was one of extreme stress in my own life and being assaulted from every direction in terms of spiritual warfare. I don’t want to admit that I forgot my identity, but it’s true because of the evidence of my own actions in those times when I got knocked down hard. In those times there can be great temptation, within the suffering, to regress to the thought pattern of:
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Nothing makes sense!”
“God, why aren’t You helping me?”
“God, do You even care?”
So, when did God stop being enough for me? It was at the point whenever I started entertaining lies that God wouldn’t come through fast enough, in the way I wanted Him to and that I must take it all on myself because apparently God isn’t a good enough God. It was when I came into agreement with the enemy’s lies that God was not helping me, He did not care, and there was no reason for everything that was happening. In entertaining all of that, I forgot my identity. It was then that I stopped living as God had intended me to live, joyful and at peace, and started living in this state of numbness, confusion, and bitterness at God. I had, unknowingly, agreed with the lie that God does not love me and had entered in a state of torment through fear.
“Perfect love casts out fear. He who fears has not been made perfect in love because fear has torment.”
(1 Jn. 4:18)
I had to repent for allowing fear to enter in. It was the fear that God wouldn’t come through or help me in my situation and it caused me to take things into my own hands. I was trying to carry everything that I was not meant to carry. I had to let go of all that I was holding on to- the anxiety, the fear, the trying to figure it all out- and allow the Holy Spirit to be in control. I had to once again cast my cares and pick up His easy yoke and light burden even when everything around was still crumbling. I had to exercise my faith muscles, because what is faith if it is not tested, after all? The thing is that we want to control how much testing we get and how hot the fire is in the testing. And when we cannot do that, then it’s like “Hey, hey, hey, God, wait a minute. I did not sign up for THIS!” and the bitterness at God comes in.
Lies sent by the enemy of our souls, can come rushing in during times when we are vulnerable and they can bring “amnesia” causing us to forget our identity as children of God. As a born again believer, you’ve been adopted into a family. It’s not just any family. It’s a royal family. You’re part of a royal priesthood (I Pet. 2:6-10). God designed the concept of family and He is a perfect Father. He never stops loving. He never stops caring. He never leaves us to walk thru fire alone. He is the fourth man in the fire (Dan. 3:25).
In everything we go through, there is a lesson to be had. God never allows us to go through pain and hard times in vain. Those things draw us closer to Him and we see Him in ways we couldn’t otherwise. The purpose of life is to know Him through everything. This is eternal life, to know You (Jn. 17:3).
This isn’t coming from a place of minimizing suffering and extreme situations. As someone who has been through many seriously difficult things, I understand how hard we have to fight against the temptation to fall into old patterns of thinking that God must not be enough. Because when we are hit from every direction, relationally, financially, emotionally and even physically just trying to survive, it is very hard to stay the course and fight. But know that God understands our humanity. He understands our weaknesses and frustrations. Jesus walked this earth as a human. He did everything right. He was perfectly sinless in human form! And yet, He still suffered greatly. It is in those times that we especially need to run to Him like a little child throwing a tantrum and hitting their dad’s legs. God can take it. He is our heavenly Father and He wants us to run to Him. That is when He takes us in His arms and holds us. (See story of the prodigal Luke 15:11-32). That is when He brings comfort because He is the comforter. He Himself is our peace (Eph. 2:14). Jesus is the only One who can bring true peace that surpasses understanding (Phil. 4:7).
Be encouraged, if you are going through things that are pushing you to the limit, God is the answer. You can cry out to Him. He is our refuge and place of rest. (Ps 46:1-3) (Ps. 116:7) He is more than enough.